There is nothing harder to overcome than addiction. There is nothing harder to realize than the state of addiction. There is nothing harder to admit to someone else than addiction. There is nothing that feels so good as overcoming addiction. And, there is nothing that requires more intestinal fortitude and vigilance than remaining free of addiction.
A lot has been discussed in the media about the various addictions of various celebrities, whether in music, sports or film. A lot of negative judgements have been levelled against these people which all begin with "He/she should have..." Should have what? It only takes 30 days to build a habit. Addiction is so subtle and insidious that it hardly seems harmful.
Cocaine is often referred to a "just a little bump" when energy flaggs. Alcohol is just a drink with friends after work. Cigarettes offer a rush with the first drag, followed by a feeling relaxation. When it comes to sex, some people can't get enough of that buzz that a "first time" with someone causes. It's just that you can only have a first time with a partner once. Nothing can kill that buzz faster than a commited relationship. Of course, the partner is loved, but that buzz never comes back. Now how many desserts have you devoured with the exclamation that oh, my god this is orgasmic? Buzz. Regardless of the source of the buzz, we all continue to want more of whatever it was. What can it hurt; I know my limits. Famous last words.
I'm someone who is very careful about health and nutrition. However, I have always had a "sweet tooth," especially for chocolate anything. The word for it is "choclaholic." Hello, my name is Daniel and I am a choclaholic. I work out at the gym 3-4 times a week. I feel better than I ever have. I look good, but I don't have the body I envisioned when I joined the gym. I decided that my "cheat treats" on the weekends were the cause for my lack of progress. I had just ordered Girl Scout cookies, but I decided that I was going to banish pastries, candy, yes, including dark chocolate which I always referred to as vitamins, from my world. I named Ash Wednesday as the day to begin my new commitment. I am no longer a practising Catholic, but I figured the Holy Day was a great defense. On my own, well-meaning friends would say, "Oh one brownie isn't going to kill you. Start tomorrow." Everyone respects the act of giving up something for Lent. So Lent was my cover. Easter is this coming Sunday, so it will be slightly more than 40 days since my lips met Little Debbie's. It's a little more than 40 days because the Church doesn't consider Sundays as days of Lent, just so you know how I count.
I quit smoking 27 years ago. I have never wanted one since. In fact, the smell of cigarette smoke nauseates me. I want you to know that breaking my connection to processed sugar was by far more difficult. The cravings were incredible and the longer I went without, the more I wanted. I rushed through the grocery store because Little Debbie's screaming was too much!
I have resisted. I have conquered. The cravings have gone. However, the voice of the addiction still whispers. "Once Easter gets here, you should have a little something to celebrate." Or the deal maker voice, "Now that you've come this far, you'll control it better next time." Well, this would be like Sue Ellen Ewing having a glass of white wine to celebrate her graduation from Betty Ford!
While my Lenten battle is not on par with the problems of the celebrities the media thrives on, it was as powerful an inner battle as I ever care to fight. I understand the pressure of the constant temptation. I understand the resolve and the relapse. I respect their battles and wish them godspeed in victory. And more than that, I wish the media would give them the private space to heal. Someone's personal turmoil shouldn't be anyone's buzz.
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