Meister Eckhart wrote, "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you,' that would suffice." Indeed, thank you is one of the most powerful phrases in any language. It implies a lot more than gratitude. It tells the other person, "I see you." Recognizing the other person's presence is the quinessential compliment. If you don't believe it, try an experiment.
Make yourself aware as you walk through an open door of the person holding it open for you. When you are paying for groceries, notice the person who has bagged them for you as well as the one who rings up your purchase and takes your payment. If you need to ask assistance or directions, be aware of the person you are addressing. You will see a light switch on in their faces.
As the former greeter/concierge of an upscale Madison Avenue store, I can tell you that it made a wonderful difference in my day when people said thank you as I held the door open for them or gave them information about the immediate area. Yes, it was my job. Yes, too, I was a human presence. The difference that simple phrase made was that the person acknowledged me. That consideration allowed me to feel like I was more than a doorstop or a signpost. I'm sure some people never even realized they had walked through a doorway. These people did not diminish me in anyway, but they did reveal a lot about themselves.
I love the Hindu greeting, Namaste. It literally translates as "not me, they." They refers to all the gods of the Universe. It says I don't do this for you, but God does. The Divine has arranged for me to be in this place at this time for you. In turn, the Divine has also arranged for you to be in this place at this time for me. Now do you feel the power of this greatest prayer?
Legendary people are aware people. Legendary people understand that there is nothing without purpose. Part of their awareness is that there is so much in this Universe that people cannot possibly sense all the wonderful things that are here to benefit their soul's human experience. Every time someone is aware enough to say thank you, brings that person closer to discovering more of the unseen treasures. A simple phrase such as thank you or namaste engages the body in the soul's quest for the quinessential.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
"Aren't We Lucky?"
When I worked in Dallas, TX at the Sanger Harris department store, there was a woman there named Eleanor. Eleanor was a "good ol' party girl" whose mirror only reflected a high school cheerleader from a very long time ago. This widow with grown children sported a curly blonde wig, false eyelashes over bright blue eyeshadow, the blackest liquid eyeliner known to womankind, pale frosted peach lipstick, a deep tan, a push-up bra under a scoop-neck sweater with a silk scarf tied around her neck. She was our own Blanche DuBois. This was a lot to take in, even in the early 1980's, but Eleanor knew how to work it.
She had to be in her late 60's, but that didn't stop her from being the comsumate flirt. She sold men's furnishings. When she had a male customer of any age, she knew exactly when to lead forward on the counter, or bendover to pick a tie she had "accidentally" dropped. She also knew how to speak very softly to these gentlemen so that they had to lean in to hear her. She was one of the store's leading sales associates. If the gentleman was near her own age, she was often invited to join him for a cocktail and perhaps dinner after her shift. She was amazing! Tennessee Williams should have met her!
The thing that made Eleanor so amazing was her attitude. She put herself together in a way she (and a LOT of men) thought was appealing. There was no reason on earth to look or act old if you didn't have to. Anytime she was confronted with adversity, a car accident, a burglary, she would say, "Aren't we lucky?" When she was diagnosed with cancer, she said it had been found in time for surgery to remove it completely and her response was, "Aren't we lucky?" She never dwelt on anything that she lost, she simply considered herself lucky to have survived it. She left the unpleasantness behind, and moved on.
She may have had more "gentleman callers" than a country dog has fleas, but what makes her legendary in my mind is that she was always kind, always soft and comfortable to work with, and she had a delightful spirit. When I think of her I think always think, "aren't we lucky" she came our way.
She had to be in her late 60's, but that didn't stop her from being the comsumate flirt. She sold men's furnishings. When she had a male customer of any age, she knew exactly when to lead forward on the counter, or bendover to pick a tie she had "accidentally" dropped. She also knew how to speak very softly to these gentlemen so that they had to lean in to hear her. She was one of the store's leading sales associates. If the gentleman was near her own age, she was often invited to join him for a cocktail and perhaps dinner after her shift. She was amazing! Tennessee Williams should have met her!
The thing that made Eleanor so amazing was her attitude. She put herself together in a way she (and a LOT of men) thought was appealing. There was no reason on earth to look or act old if you didn't have to. Anytime she was confronted with adversity, a car accident, a burglary, she would say, "Aren't we lucky?" When she was diagnosed with cancer, she said it had been found in time for surgery to remove it completely and her response was, "Aren't we lucky?" She never dwelt on anything that she lost, she simply considered herself lucky to have survived it. She left the unpleasantness behind, and moved on.
She may have had more "gentleman callers" than a country dog has fleas, but what makes her legendary in my mind is that she was always kind, always soft and comfortable to work with, and she had a delightful spirit. When I think of her I think always think, "aren't we lucky" she came our way.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Way You Tip Your Hat
One of my favorite Ella Fitzgerald songs says, "We may never meet again on the bumpy road of [life], still I'll always, always keep the memory of...The way your smile just beams, The way you sing off key, The way you haunt my dreams, No they can't take that away from me." This is the essence of the meaning of legendary.
When I was very young, I was involved with a wonderful loving man. The difference in our ages was too great for the affair to last, but he taught me a lot. One morning I awoke to see him watching me sleep as he lightly caressed me. I asked him what he was doing. He replied that he was doing his memory work so that he would never forget his happiness with me when I was no longer with him. In a way, he was taking an emotional snapshot for the photo album of his mind.
No one awakens in the morning wondering what he or she can do to be legendary that day. It is impossible to plan ahead the quintessential experience we will create for either ourselves or someone else. It isn't a matter of what we do, but how we do it. There is another classic song that says "it ain't what you do, but they way that you do it. It ain't what you do, but the time that you do it."
The things that people will remember is how we made them feel when they were around us: how our smile welcomed them; how we stepped up to help when others stepped away; how we listened and comforted them without turning their story into one about ourselves. They will remember the tears we shed with them as well as the joyous, racous laughter we shared. In short, whenever and however we touch someone else, they are doing their memory work so that they will remember us when we have gone away. How we respond to others is the emotional snapshot we leave for them. This is what will make us legendary...or not.
When I was very young, I was involved with a wonderful loving man. The difference in our ages was too great for the affair to last, but he taught me a lot. One morning I awoke to see him watching me sleep as he lightly caressed me. I asked him what he was doing. He replied that he was doing his memory work so that he would never forget his happiness with me when I was no longer with him. In a way, he was taking an emotional snapshot for the photo album of his mind.
No one awakens in the morning wondering what he or she can do to be legendary that day. It is impossible to plan ahead the quintessential experience we will create for either ourselves or someone else. It isn't a matter of what we do, but how we do it. There is another classic song that says "it ain't what you do, but they way that you do it. It ain't what you do, but the time that you do it."
The things that people will remember is how we made them feel when they were around us: how our smile welcomed them; how we stepped up to help when others stepped away; how we listened and comforted them without turning their story into one about ourselves. They will remember the tears we shed with them as well as the joyous, racous laughter we shared. In short, whenever and however we touch someone else, they are doing their memory work so that they will remember us when we have gone away. How we respond to others is the emotional snapshot we leave for them. This is what will make us legendary...or not.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Apples With a Peale
In the spring of 1975, a friend invited me to go with her to see Dr. Norman Vincent Peale speak at Unity Village, just outside of Kansas City. I was a huge fan of Dr. Peale, so I could hardly wait to attend.
When he stepped out on stage, I was dumbfounded. I had always envisioned him to be a tall, robustly built man. Here was a short, rather small-framed man. I felt so disappointed and whispered this to my friend.
When Dr. Peale spoke, he did so with warmth and eloquence. One of the stories he told that night had to do with one of his neighbors in upstate New York and an apple tree. It seems that the apple tree in question grew where the two properties jointly met the road on Dr. Peale's side of the fence. The neighbor was insisting that Dr. Peale have the tree cut down. He complained that its twisted trunk with gnarled branches was an eyesore and a blight on the community. Dr. Peale agreed that it was indeed an old tree, not as strong as it once was. He had installed a sort of crutch for support, and to keep a strong wind from bringing it down on the fence. He went on to say that it looked especially old and rickety in the winter.
"However," he continued, "every spring it is lustrous in a multitude of pink and white blossoms. In late summer those blossoms turn into some of the largest and sweetest apples to be found anywhere. That tree is doing the job God gave it to do." Needless to say, the tree stayed.
As we exited the auditorium, I thanked my friend enthusiastically for such an inspiring evening. "I was surprised he is so tall!" I exclaimed. My friend simply smiled and said she was happy I hadn't been disappointed.
When someone is legendary all that shows is their intrinsic value. That is their beauty.
When he stepped out on stage, I was dumbfounded. I had always envisioned him to be a tall, robustly built man. Here was a short, rather small-framed man. I felt so disappointed and whispered this to my friend.
When Dr. Peale spoke, he did so with warmth and eloquence. One of the stories he told that night had to do with one of his neighbors in upstate New York and an apple tree. It seems that the apple tree in question grew where the two properties jointly met the road on Dr. Peale's side of the fence. The neighbor was insisting that Dr. Peale have the tree cut down. He complained that its twisted trunk with gnarled branches was an eyesore and a blight on the community. Dr. Peale agreed that it was indeed an old tree, not as strong as it once was. He had installed a sort of crutch for support, and to keep a strong wind from bringing it down on the fence. He went on to say that it looked especially old and rickety in the winter.
"However," he continued, "every spring it is lustrous in a multitude of pink and white blossoms. In late summer those blossoms turn into some of the largest and sweetest apples to be found anywhere. That tree is doing the job God gave it to do." Needless to say, the tree stayed.
As we exited the auditorium, I thanked my friend enthusiastically for such an inspiring evening. "I was surprised he is so tall!" I exclaimed. My friend simply smiled and said she was happy I hadn't been disappointed.
When someone is legendary all that shows is their intrinsic value. That is their beauty.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Unlikely Giant
The soul engages the body in its quest for the quintessential human experience. As such, it is important that we give the body the care and attention it needs. Good health includes nourishment and hydration, exercise and rest.
As a teenager I could devour 2 double cheeseburgers, fries and a chocolate shake every day and not gain an ounce of weight. Things change as we grow and develop. Our signature hairstyles, clothing and make-up for ladies can either make us look current and young or dated and old. Nowadays if I even smell cheeseburgers and fries I can feel my belt getting tight.
Like a lot of men, I kept buying the same size pants I always wore for as long as I possibly could. It's just that the waistband hit me lower and lower. I know you are all familiar with this look. It's the gut overhang. It fools men into believing their waistline hasn't changed. It is not attractive.
As my girth increased, my effectiveness at work decreased. My hard earned credentials lost their value. My rheumatoid arthritis was flaring up constantly. I developed a problem knee that an orthopedic surgeon told me would have to be replaced. My body was failing my soul's ambitions. I clearly had some decisions to make.
I had never been one for exercise. I was not athletic in school. In fact, I was such a non-athlete that when my high school phys. ed. coach announced guys lacking any athletic ability excel at volleyball, I was the first guy picked for the volleyball team. I joined a gym once, but that didn't work at all. I didn't know what I was doing. The trainers didn't see themselves as miracle workers. As a result, I was left with the most economical and best starter exercise of all...walking.
The first time I ventured out I walked 15 minutes out and 15 minutes back. I thought I would die! I tried it again the next day. Same result. I continued trying every weekend until I hit the tipping point. Suddenly, I was walking at a steady pace for an hour, for two hours. I amazed myself!
One Saturday, I stopped off at a men's clothing store to purchase a new pair of slacks. I automatically grabbed a pair of 38's and headed to the dressing room. Yes, I had graduated in size selection, but I was still "poured into them." I refused to go any higher as long as I could get them fastened. To my surprise on this particular day, the 38's fell down. When I picked them back up, I could see they were far too big for me. I traded them for size 34. They also fell down. I traded these for size 32. These were still a little big, but fine with a belt. I made my purchase and rushed out of the store. I wept my entire walk home.
I realized that with the extra pounds off, I was more engaged with my friends. I was capable of so much more that sitting in someone's living room to visit or watch movies. We were taking day trips to south and west Texas to hike and climb. We even went as far as Lawton, Oklahoma to hike and explore. Just outside of Austin I climbed up Enchanted Rock, a small granite mountain. Climbing up was easy, but with my fear of heights, getting down was quite an adventure!
Walking took the weight off and now the gym builds me back up. Lifting weights not only gives me muscle definition and strength, but it also alleviates most of my RA symptoms. By the way, I still have my own knees and they both work as they were designed to do.
At Gold's Gym I worked with a great trainer. He showed me proper techniques and posture. Just as important, he held me accountable. "Don't cheat yourself" was his mantra. I have also discovered Tom Venuto and Nick Nilsson. Both of these trainers have very helpful websites. I highly recommend them!
I have learned a lot about fitness and exercise by meeting good people and observing how they exercise. There is always something new to learn and to try. There is one guy at my gym who is the source of my greatest inspiration. He's about 5'4" and weighs maybe 115 lbs. He has a twisted leg and the opposite foot turns in. He also has one arm that doesn't hang quite right. I see him at Gold's all the time. Every time I train, he is there on the weight machines performing his workout routine to the best of his ability. He doesn't chat. He is totally focused on the job at hand and he gets it done! If you saw him on the street you would never guess he had just lifted weights. His body is certainly engaged with his soul. On a very real level, given his size and physical challenges, this guy is the quintessential weight-lifter. That makes him legendary in my book!
As a teenager I could devour 2 double cheeseburgers, fries and a chocolate shake every day and not gain an ounce of weight. Things change as we grow and develop. Our signature hairstyles, clothing and make-up for ladies can either make us look current and young or dated and old. Nowadays if I even smell cheeseburgers and fries I can feel my belt getting tight.
Like a lot of men, I kept buying the same size pants I always wore for as long as I possibly could. It's just that the waistband hit me lower and lower. I know you are all familiar with this look. It's the gut overhang. It fools men into believing their waistline hasn't changed. It is not attractive.
As my girth increased, my effectiveness at work decreased. My hard earned credentials lost their value. My rheumatoid arthritis was flaring up constantly. I developed a problem knee that an orthopedic surgeon told me would have to be replaced. My body was failing my soul's ambitions. I clearly had some decisions to make.
I had never been one for exercise. I was not athletic in school. In fact, I was such a non-athlete that when my high school phys. ed. coach announced guys lacking any athletic ability excel at volleyball, I was the first guy picked for the volleyball team. I joined a gym once, but that didn't work at all. I didn't know what I was doing. The trainers didn't see themselves as miracle workers. As a result, I was left with the most economical and best starter exercise of all...walking.
The first time I ventured out I walked 15 minutes out and 15 minutes back. I thought I would die! I tried it again the next day. Same result. I continued trying every weekend until I hit the tipping point. Suddenly, I was walking at a steady pace for an hour, for two hours. I amazed myself!
One Saturday, I stopped off at a men's clothing store to purchase a new pair of slacks. I automatically grabbed a pair of 38's and headed to the dressing room. Yes, I had graduated in size selection, but I was still "poured into them." I refused to go any higher as long as I could get them fastened. To my surprise on this particular day, the 38's fell down. When I picked them back up, I could see they were far too big for me. I traded them for size 34. They also fell down. I traded these for size 32. These were still a little big, but fine with a belt. I made my purchase and rushed out of the store. I wept my entire walk home.
I realized that with the extra pounds off, I was more engaged with my friends. I was capable of so much more that sitting in someone's living room to visit or watch movies. We were taking day trips to south and west Texas to hike and climb. We even went as far as Lawton, Oklahoma to hike and explore. Just outside of Austin I climbed up Enchanted Rock, a small granite mountain. Climbing up was easy, but with my fear of heights, getting down was quite an adventure!
Walking took the weight off and now the gym builds me back up. Lifting weights not only gives me muscle definition and strength, but it also alleviates most of my RA symptoms. By the way, I still have my own knees and they both work as they were designed to do.
At Gold's Gym I worked with a great trainer. He showed me proper techniques and posture. Just as important, he held me accountable. "Don't cheat yourself" was his mantra. I have also discovered Tom Venuto and Nick Nilsson. Both of these trainers have very helpful websites. I highly recommend them!
I have learned a lot about fitness and exercise by meeting good people and observing how they exercise. There is always something new to learn and to try. There is one guy at my gym who is the source of my greatest inspiration. He's about 5'4" and weighs maybe 115 lbs. He has a twisted leg and the opposite foot turns in. He also has one arm that doesn't hang quite right. I see him at Gold's all the time. Every time I train, he is there on the weight machines performing his workout routine to the best of his ability. He doesn't chat. He is totally focused on the job at hand and he gets it done! If you saw him on the street you would never guess he had just lifted weights. His body is certainly engaged with his soul. On a very real level, given his size and physical challenges, this guy is the quintessential weight-lifter. That makes him legendary in my book!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Direction and Connections
I sat opposite a father with his young son on the subway yesterday. The boy was probably 5, maybe 7, years old. They got on at 96th Street. Their conversation was comprised mostly of the boy asking questions and the father giving short responses. As the train approached 86th Street, the boy announced the stop. He also advised his father that if they got off there, they could take the such and such bus to continue their journey. The father simply said they were going to stay on the train. At 81st Street, the boy announced that they could get off there and go to the Natural History Museum. At 72nd Street, they could go to Central Park and visit Strawberry Fields. He wondered if people would be there this time of day singing Beatle songs. Then at 59th Street/ Columbus Circle, the boy announced all the possible train connections to be made and which platform to go to. Again, the father simply replied that they would remain on this B train.
This child knew every stop and every possible connection, highlighted by a point of interest for every stop until they got off at 34th Street. He was incredible! Adults don't know that much about the subway. I don't know that much about the subway and I've lived here since 1993, long before this boy was born.
While his knowledge was indeed amazing, what makes this kid legendary to me is his persistence in trying to get what he really wanted. Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, says that the person asking the questions on a date is the one pursuing a connection. This little boy always followed up his announcements with, "Would you like to go there sometime, Dad?" or "Is this your favorite stop, Dad? Why do you say that?" He was obviously intent on engaging his father in conversation. He was on a date with his Dad and he wanted conversation.
I learned a lot from this kid, not only about the subway, but also about the importance of pursuing a connection with someone. He will be an amazing man in a few years. I hope his father notices.
This child knew every stop and every possible connection, highlighted by a point of interest for every stop until they got off at 34th Street. He was incredible! Adults don't know that much about the subway. I don't know that much about the subway and I've lived here since 1993, long before this boy was born.
While his knowledge was indeed amazing, what makes this kid legendary to me is his persistence in trying to get what he really wanted. Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, says that the person asking the questions on a date is the one pursuing a connection. This little boy always followed up his announcements with, "Would you like to go there sometime, Dad?" or "Is this your favorite stop, Dad? Why do you say that?" He was obviously intent on engaging his father in conversation. He was on a date with his Dad and he wanted conversation.
I learned a lot from this kid, not only about the subway, but also about the importance of pursuing a connection with someone. He will be an amazing man in a few years. I hope his father notices.
Welcome to Living The Legendary Life
Whenever you encounter the word "legendary" who comes to mind? Do you instantly envision Hollywood beauties like Garbo, Hayworth, Lombard, Loren or Monroe? What about their male counterparts, such as Grant, Gable, or Power?
Perhaps you think of world leaders like say, Churchill, Mahatma Ghandi, the Kennedy brothers, Martin Luther King, or The Dali Lama?
Then again, if you live for the theatre, you might well include Olivier, Gielgud, Berstein, Sondheim, Stritch, Selddes, and Lansbury on the list of legendary figures.
All of these people are indeed legendary. Each in a most individual way has contributed to the culture that defines us and challenges us. The famous are not, however, the focus here. Our purpose is to discover what constitutes the quintessential human experience as we navigate our way to becoming legendary. As C. S. Lewis once wrote: "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." When we use the body to do the bidding of the soul, we are indeed quinessential human beings.
Welcome to Living The Legendary Life. I hope you will find it entertaining as well as thought-provoking.
Perhaps you think of world leaders like say, Churchill, Mahatma Ghandi, the Kennedy brothers, Martin Luther King, or The Dali Lama?
Then again, if you live for the theatre, you might well include Olivier, Gielgud, Berstein, Sondheim, Stritch, Selddes, and Lansbury on the list of legendary figures.
All of these people are indeed legendary. Each in a most individual way has contributed to the culture that defines us and challenges us. The famous are not, however, the focus here. Our purpose is to discover what constitutes the quintessential human experience as we navigate our way to becoming legendary. As C. S. Lewis once wrote: "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." When we use the body to do the bidding of the soul, we are indeed quinessential human beings.
Welcome to Living The Legendary Life. I hope you will find it entertaining as well as thought-provoking.
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